Feeling the loss of my mother...

My mother died at the end of July, 2008 after a seven year battle with breast cancer. She began her final decline at this time last year, as we were preparing for the Passover celebration. While we all knew it would be her final seder, nobody discussed this openly.

I went up to New York at the beginning of April to prepare for the seder. My parents have a large home, and all bedrooms were occupied. J and I ended up sleeping on the convertible couch in the t.v. room. Very uncomfortable! I felt the presence of my mother everywhere in the house, and carried on a silent dialogue with her as I set the tables.

I have continued the silent dialogue since returning home. The grief comes in waves, and the tide seems to be coming in these days. Not the type of grief that makes me want to weep (although that does sometimes happen), more like I want to call her to discuss the day-to-day goings on. I miss that aspect of our relationship so much! Especially when I have something particularly funny (bad jokes especially), troubling, or difficult going on.

Grieving is indeed a process...one which never ends, but merely evolves and changes as time passes. While I doubt that I will ever "get over" her death, I will continue to ride the waves of her loss...